Another Tuesday, another AskHim question This week, we have Lia's question on generalization amongst men and women and what we think of what the other wears.
Do men judge women according to what they wear? And if so, how exactly are they categorized? For instance, when just playfully browsing, I find myself determining whether or not I'd date a guy based off of what he is wearing alone. My friends and I have categorized business men, artists, casanovas, bums, etc. based on what they were wearing (whether we were right or not, probably wrong but just having fun guessing lol). Not to be shallow, but I'm a firm believer that what we wear and how we wear it represents our minds to a certain degree. I'm just wondering if guys register this the same way because quite frankly, I see some pretty well put together men dating the most opposite of women.
Hi Lia - Thanks very much for writing in to us. It's very much appreciated. I like your question. It's great. It's a true reflection on something both sexes do, but try to pretend that they don't. We all do it. We judge, we generalize, it's in our nature. We can't help it.
So, yes, men do judge women according to what they wear. Any guy who says he doesn't, is either a liar, or completely oblivious to women. We categorize women very simply..sophisticated, elegant, slutty, and clueless. Any guys who disagree with me out there, please feel free to jump right in and correct me or add more categories. Personally, I think that more categories will be added if guys do decide to jump in.
The way a woman dresses might not necessarily determine whether a guy would date them or not, mainly because, usually, a guy is wondering whether they would sleep with him or not. Of course, if the girl is slutty, the guy immediately thinks 'score' and would be one of a number of guys trying to 'win' her over. Let's be honest, by saying 'not to be shallow' means exactly that. We are shallow. And we would be lying if we said we aren't. I mean seriously, if a really ugly or badly dressed guy approaches you in a bar, would you really continue a conversation with them? No, you definitely won't. It's not about his personality or anything like that because you won't get to know his personality because you've already brushed him off.
We are shallow. Just admit it. The world would be a much better place with this kind of honesty. Guys reject girls and girls reject guys based on their initial impression. And usually, this is looks. We see it everyday, where gorgeous girls are with, let's face it, ugly guys, and vice versa. This usually happens because they are initially friends or are introduced or are part of the same group of friends, where one would give the other the chance and talk because it's polite. From there we get to know one's personality and it can progress.
I don't think it's possible for us to stop with this generalizing, and seeing as both men and women do it alike, we're both as bad as each other. Let's just be honest.
So there's another AskHim Tuesday done and dusted. Please keep those questions coming in. Send them to AskHim@cmarchuska.com. Thank you again to Lia for her honest question. Most of us guys definitely wish there were more honest girls out there like Lia Enjoy the rest of your week and feel free to comment with your own opinion on this week's question.
Hi Brian, I recently started dating this guy who is totally awesome. He's really kind and caring and has always been a total sweetheart to me on our dates.The only problem is that he is rumored to be a complete player as my friends keep pointing out to me. I know this can't be good, but I really like him. Am I stupid for continuing this? Is he playing me? Or is it possible that he could change? I'd really like some impartial advice and from a guy too...please help. Thanks, Bianca
Hi Bianca, and thanks for writing in. To be honest, I'm surprised that this hasn't been more of a popular question, but I wanted to get to it this week for sure. It's the 'will he won't he' question that all women want to know and dread the answer to. Quite simply, no. He will not change. It's more likely than not, that he is playing you. Sorry to tell you this. Very rarely do they change, even when they're married. I'm not saying they'll definitely cheat when they're married, but they will definitely 'play around'. It's a game to these so called 'players'. I hear it all the time. Guys don't hide it from their friends, just from the girls. Well, they try to hide it from the girls at least. There are the exceptions, don't get me wrong. There are guys that like to have their 'fun' until they meet that right girl to settle down with, that's just who they are. I'm not saying that your guy is one of these or not, and I'm not saying you couldn't be the girl that he wants to settle with and change his ways, but in all honesty it's highly unlikely. I guess the ultimate test would be time. Take your time with him. Don't rush into anything too quickly. Test the waters a little and figure out for yourself whether the rumors about him apply to you and whether you're just another girl to him. Hope this helps out a little Bianca and I wish you good luck with this guy. I hope it works out to be ok, and he's the guy you're looking for and that what he shows you is what he's really about.
That's all for another AskHim Tuesday. Keep those questions coming in ladies and gents. I'm here to give you a blunt perspective, and for you girls out there, I'm here to give you an honest guy's perspectives. Remember, I'm just an email away. AskHim@cmarchuska.com. See you all next week
What to Wear:
Boot season is definitely here and we are onto a super cool eco brand out of the UK called Po-Zu. As our favorite fashionable male, Brian, wrote in a recent AskHim blog, Uggs are still all the rage and are the perfect pairing for a casual day around town. But, we are thinking of trading in those Uggs for Po-Zu Piper Tans which, not only are a lot more stylish than those standard brown suede boots, but are also organically tanned with vegetable extracts. Oh and did we also mention that they give 3% of each purchase to the charity of your choice?? If that doesn't get your feel good shopaholic hearts racing then we don't know what will
What to Check Out:
Tired of paying $250 for a mediocre hair cut?? Yeah so were we - so we hopped on the 6 train to Union Square to check out the Carsten Aveda Institute. For $19 you get a wash, hair cut, blow dry, scalp massage and hand massage. Apart from all of this, they also use all Aveda products which are composed of naturally derived ingredients. Make your appt today at the 22 East 17th Street!
What to Eat:
Did you know how many amazing nutrients are in pumpkins? Better yet, did you know how tasty pumpkin seeds can be? Check out this awesome recipe from Emeril Lagasse for some delicious roasted pumpkin seeds with a spicy kick. We made them and now are a bit addicted to this yummy snack
News from C. Mar:
As you end this fabulous first week of November be sure to check out our design process post Monika's Story: The Journey of an Eco Friendly Dress, how to get your guy's attention with this week's AskHim and a Q&A with one of the new member's of our CMar Team, Krystal Williams. Last, but not least, don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour this Sunday as Daylight Savings Time comes to an end for 2010...and luckily gives all of us some extra time to catch up on those much needed Zzzzzs!
Keep it real & keep it eco chic
Hi Brian - I have a bit of an interesting question for you that I am really hoping you can help me with. I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year. About a month ago he stopped complimenting me on how I look when I get dressed up for our weekly date nights. I am really worried because I know several people say the 1 year mark is a turning point for most relationships and I am worried my boyfriend might be losing interest. I don't want to be the girl who starts acting insecure around him, but I do want to grab his interest potentially with an amazing outfit for our next date night. I would appreciate any fashion and/or relationship tips you could suggest for my situation. Thank you so much - Sarah
Hey Sarah, and thanks for writing in with your question for this week. This has been quite a popular question over the last few weeks with emails coming flooding in, so I thought this week I would kill a few birds with one stone.
It's that dreaded time of the relationship. The one year mark, and from both personal experience and from others' opinions, it is a very very testing time for a couple. It's sort of like that in between period of 'is this relationship going somewhere, or is it time to move on'. It's the make or break point in a relationship. Couples get very comfortable by this stage and tend to not make as much effort, or if there is effort, it's either one or the other..Very few times do we come across both involved making 100% effort. A lot of the time it's one pulling the other through this struggle.
With your situation Sarah, it looks as though your man is taking you for granted a little. If he always complimented you on how you look, and has now started to fail in that department, it means that he's fallen into his comfort zone with you. He expects you to look good. It's not necessarily a case of him not thinking you still look hot, but more of a case of him being so used to it, that he sees no need, sub-consciously, to make a comment about it. Obviously, for yourself, this can be quite upsetting, because, let's face it, we all love receiving compliments from our loved ones, and when we don't get it, it can be quite disheartening. We fail to realize how much a compliment on how we look can make that huge difference. Trust me, it even get's me sometimes. I've had situations in the past where not getting a compliment from a girlfriend has made me wonder if they are interested anymore, or maybe as much as they used to be. We become a little insecure and look for ways to get them interested. If you outright just dont get compliments at all, or very very rarely, I'd just say dump them. There is someone definitely out there that will appreciate you much more and let you know about it.
Wearing something that just blows him away could very well be something that works. But it also has to be in the right environment. For example you don't want to go wear a ball-gown to your local bar. Maybe wearing something in the confines of your own privacy/home could spice things up a little. You need to re-ignite the spark that was there at the beginning. Changing your hairstyle, changing your wardrobe a little, maybe even sexy lingerie. It's difficult to say what would definitely make the difference. A nice, new dress could do the trick, with matching accessories . Something a little different from the norm, something that makes him stop and take notice.
I have had situations in the past where friends of mine have welcomed attention from other guys, to make their partner jealous, which could make him double his efforts with you. The difference is astonishing. Even the smallest bit of attention would make him come running, and if he doesn't, it's definitely time to move on. You want to be subtle in your efforts to get his attention back and to make him notice you. Remind him of why you started dating in the first place. Unfortunately, it does become easy for both parties, or either party in a relationship to falter a little when that comfortable zone kicks in. It's important to bring your partner out of that zone.
Again, year two of a relationship is by far one of the toughest. Just be sure that the level of effort doesn't falter and cause you to fall into a web of comfortability.
I hope this helps you Sarah, and gives you a little bit of an idea as to what the important factors are with keeping a relationship together and healthy. Good luck.
Remember to keep your emails coming in. Whether you're looking for fashion advice or even relationship advice from a guy's perspective, contact me at AskHim@cmarchuska.com
Check this video out about how one girl managed to get her guy's attention.....
Hello my loves,
Brian Campbell alive and present to help you with your fashion needs...this week's question is from Manhattan Blaire:
Dearest Brian: I want to pick up a pair a boots for fall/winter outfits, but do not want to buy the wrong ones (i.e. Hooker boots). Which style do most guys think are sexy but also classy?
Hi Gorgeous Blaire - Always a big topic this one, boots!! There is a very fine line between what is sexy/classy, and what makes you look like you make a living on the street corner..Unfortunately, a lot of women make the mistake of thinking the boots they are wearing are sexy when in fact, they've made that slight error in judgement. This could be with length and with style..It's not always about the length when you see a lot of really strange choices of boot that is worn and then of course the choice of clothing can just push one over the edge into an estranged style.
The type of boot that is worn always goes hand in hand with the choice of clothing. Differentiating between what is classy/sexy and what is not, is key when choosing the outfit it goes with. When wearing 'knee high' boots, or, just below the knee as they actually fall, it is always key to not come of as 'slutty'.
To be sure of this, if wearing a skirt, it is essential to not go with something that is incredibly short that only barely covers your ass, or as a lot of men I know refer to it, 'the belt'. A girl is asking for trouble if this is the choice they make. A skirt just above the knee is key when wearing 'knee highs'. It leaves more to the imagination, and wearing stockings is definitely a plus too (Christine's tip - Try the christine dress with black leggings and knee high brown boots to match the recycled polyester buttons on our fav dress). Wearing these boots with jeans is definitely something that falls into the right category also. Thigh high boots definitely fall into the 'hooker' category. A respectable man would make this assumption as soon as they come across it, so it would be wise to stay away from them.
Then we come to those 'UGG' boots. Sometimes worn with jeans, sometimes with a skirt, and then there are those that choose to wear them with a colorful dress. As far as 'sexy yet classy is concerned', Jeans is a definite yes with the UGG boots pulled up over them. You can almost get away with the knee length skirt, but the dress, just doesn't cut it.
I hope this was insightful enough to make the right decision, and of course, I'm available on email for follow ups to this, and most definitely any other questions readers may have, at AskHim@cmarchuska.com. I leave you with the classic Nancy Sinatra hit.....happy shopping ladies.
Hope you are enjoying our new weekly line-up of fresh and fashionable posts However, we thought no week could be complete without some sort of advice column targeted towards the fashion forward community we know and love. So every Tuesday we are going to bring you advice from one of our new and fabulous male contributors, Brian Campbell. Brian will be taking your questions and answering them every Tuesday for your reading pleasure. You can email him your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.
So who is this Brian Campbell you ask? Well, first off he is a born and raised LA surfer/entrepreneur who recently spent 4 years in NYC following after a model and successful fashionista who captured his heart. Now he spends his weeks jetsetting back and forth between Manhattan and Malibu with the occasional trip to London or the South of France. We met Brian at our first eco-fashion green show during Earth week 2009 (video coverage below). Ever since we have kept in touch and are completely ecstatic about his offer to be a contributing blogger for our weekly postings. Alright Brian - show us whatcha got
CMar Reader: Hi Brian - I recently moved from LA to NYC for a job. I still haven't had a chance to update my wardrobe for the fall weather here on the east coast, but already have a first date this Thursday. What is appropriate to wear on a first date in NYC without giving the guy the wrong impression? Thanks so much - Anne
Brian: Hi Anne, and welcome to NYC. As you can probably already can tell, the city is a bit different to that of LA, especially the weather. Being a girl, and new to town can be a daunting prospect seeing as NYC is seen as an open playing field for single men. In order to make sure you're not giving a guy the wrong impression on a first date (I assume you mean you don't want him to think you want to sleep with him) from a wardrobe perspective entails not giving the guy the opportunity to lust over you. You want to keep him interested in you as a person, not a target. This obviously does depend on the guy also, whether he is there for a genuine 'get to know you better' purpose or whether it's one thing that he has on his mind. That, I'm afraid, is a very difficult thing to be able to determine from just a first date, so it's more of a case of you being the one who controls the situation. This is where your attire can possibly make a difference. Class, elegance yet slightly conservative without showing too much skin, would be the way to go from my perspective. You don't want to cover up completely, yet you don't want to reveal too much which can allow your guy's imagination to run wild. Short and simple here are some rules to follow:
Rule # 1: Cleavage is a definite no-no on a first date. Keep the guy's eyes off your chest, and on your eyes. Some girls fail to realize the power that eyes can have over a guy.
Rule #2: Keep skirt length to slightly above the knee, no shorter. Guys are looking for smart sophisticated women. Less is not more in this situation.
Ultimately, this should lead to a successful first date, and if you like him, who knows, it could lead to many many more. Good luck with the date on Thursday Anne, and I hope that what I have said helps you a little more to prepare. Thank you for writing in and let us know how the date goes!